| Airplane travel today has become a Darwinian | | | | maneuvering around the billions of other travelers who |
| exercise, where only those of Olympic fitness will | | | | are also stuck with layovers (or hangovers) in Atlanta. |
| survive. Frankly, given the psychological and physical | | | | Halfway through your dash from gate14 in terminal B, |
| fortitude required, I'm amazed that anybody will agree | | | | where you landed, to gate 89F in terminal Z, where |
| to fly anywhere anymore. Indignities abound, including | | | | you will again depart, your carry-on will lose a wheel. |
| the strip poker antics in the airport security line. First | | | | You schlep it, seemingly for miles, as it thuds painfully |
| you lose your shoes, then your belt, then your hat, if | | | | against your right shin with every step.Danger also |
| you dared to wear one. You tirelessly whip out photo | | | | lurks near the Food Court. The intoxicating aroma from |
| ID to officious TSA agents stationed every five feet all | | | | Cinnabon makes you realize that those cheap airlines |
| the way to the boarding gate, careful to refrain from | | | | have starved you, nearly to death. Though they are |
| making jokes about hidden bombs, even if the jokes | | | | boarding your flight, you must buy a sticky bun to ward |
| are exceedingly clever. These are heavy sacrifices | | | | off immediate famine. Risking all, you stop at Cinnabon |
| indeed.Yet the most fatiguing thing of all is that direct | | | | to rest your bruised shin and buy the sticky bun. This |
| flights have gone the way of complimentary airline | | | | presents a new problem, since the pastry is the size |
| meals, the difference being that nobody misses the | | | | of your carry-on, and now you will have to check |
| airline meals. Let's say you live in Los Angeles and | | | | either your laptop computer, on which you planned to |
| must fly to San Francisco for a meeting. Sounds easy, | | | | complete your report for the meeting in San Francisco, |
| right? Wrong! Today, you can only fly from L.A. to San | | | | or the sticky bun. Reasonably, you check the laptop, |
| Francisco via a layover in Atlanta. Even when you die, | | | | since who can write a coherent report on an empty |
| you will not be able to catch a flight to Heaven without | | | | stomach?Naturally, the flight is overbooked and |
| a lengthy layover in Atlanta first. (If you are going to | | | | under-oxygenated, although additional oxygen is |
| Hell, your layover is in Dallas-Fort Worth.) You have | | | | available for only $20.00 per passenger. You press the |
| two hours between connecting flights, which you think | | | | button to recline your seat, instantly breaking the nose |
| is plenty of time. But you will barely make it, having to | | | | of the passenger behind you. "Hey!" the bloodied little |
| sprint like a football player in a Hail Mary move, | | | | man in 29F shouts. |