| Airplane travel today has become a
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| | maneuvering around the billions of other
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| Darwinian exercise, where only those of
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| | travelers who are also stuck with
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| Olympic fitness will survive. Frankly,
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| | layovers (or hangovers) in Atlanta.
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| given the psychological and physical
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| | Halfway through your dash from gate14 in
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| fortitude required, I'm amazed that
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| | terminal B, where you landed, to gate 89F
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| anybody will agree to fly anywhere
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| | in terminal Z, where you will again
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| anymore. Indignities abound, including
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| | depart, your carry-on will lose a wheel.
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| the strip poker antics in the airport
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| | You schlep it, seemingly for miles, as it
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| security line. First you lose your shoes,
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| | thuds painfully against your right shin
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| then your belt, then your hat, if you
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| | with every step.Danger also lurks near
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| dared to wear one. You tirelessly whip
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| | the Food Court. The intoxicating aroma
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| out photo ID to officious TSA agents
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| | from Cinnabon makes you realize that
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| stationed every five feet all the way to
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| | those cheap airlines have starved you,
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| the boarding gate, careful to refrain
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| | nearly to death. Though they are boarding
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| from making jokes about hidden bombs,
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| | your flight, you must buy a sticky bun to
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| even if the jokes are exceedingly clever.
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| | ward off immediate famine. Risking all,
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| These are heavy sacrifices indeed.Yet the
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| | you stop at Cinnabon to rest your bruised
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| most fatiguing thing of all is that
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| | shin and buy the sticky bun. This
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| direct flights have gone the way of
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| | presents a new problem, since the pastry
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| complimentary airline meals, the
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| | is the size of your carry-on, and now you
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| difference being that nobody misses the
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| | will have to check either your laptop
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| airline meals. Let's say you live in Los
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| | computer, on which you planned to
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| Angeles and must fly to San Francisco for
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| | complete your report for the meeting in
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| a meeting. Sounds easy, right? Wrong!
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| | San Francisco, or the sticky bun.
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| Today, you can only fly from L.A. to San
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| | Reasonably, you check the laptop, since
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| Francisco via a layover in Atlanta. Even
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| | who can write a coherent report on an
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| when you die, you will not be able to
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| | empty stomach?Naturally, the flight is
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| catch a flight to Heaven without a
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| | overbooked and under-oxygenated, although
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| lengthy layover in Atlanta first. (If you
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| | additional oxygen is available for only
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| are going to Hell, your layover is in
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| | $20.00 per passenger. You press the
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| Dallas-Fort Worth.) You have two hours
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| | button to recline your seat, instantly
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| between connecting flights, which you
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| | breaking the nose of the passenger behind
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| think is plenty of time. But you will
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| | you. "Hey!" the bloodied little man in
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| barely make it, having to sprint like a
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| | 29F shouts.
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| football player in a Hail Mary move,
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