Online Dating: Should I Fly Out To Meet This Person Or What?

If you are involved with online dating at all, you haveweekend together if Girl flies to Boy. As far as the
likely been confronted with the possibility of meetingcosts of all this, consider who has more resources. If
someone far away. There's something very romanticGirl travels on business and has 500K frequent flier
about this notion, almost (or, um, exactly) reminiscent ofmiles she'll never get around to using (unless, ironically,
Sleepless In Seattle. I mean how killer is it to go halfshe meets the right guy to travel with), then there is no
way around the world for the right woman?sense in having the guy buy a ticket. You get the idea. I
Granted. And if it works out, it's amazing. But lets talkpersonally believe that when both people have an
for a while about all this. From this conversation I trustinvestment in a weekend like this, both are more
you will be able to go into such potential situationscommitted to its success.
armed with more wisdom than ever before.Next, make all the logistical arrangements for the visit,
Before all else, let's discuss how two people get in thisand communicate clearly about it. The one who is
situation to begin with. It's no secret that some datingflying in should reserve a hotel. This takes a lot of
sites have built their software so as to put as manypressure off the situation, which believe me will be a
people in touch with each other as possible. If a site isplus. If you two decide to cancel the hotel, that's your
one of the minor players, which translates to fewerown business, but having the option there was good
subscribers, you are likely to be encouraged toplanning nonetheless.
communicate with more people from other states (orRead the sentence that follows this one twice: If you
countries) than you would at a or Yahoo Personals. IMfly out to meet someone you have never met or
"pen pals" come of this, and this is cool, but sooner orbarely know, absolutely positively make flight and hotel
later, you are likely to notice--and talk to--someonereservations that have great flexibility. If it costs a
who amazes you but is either in Alaska orreasonable amount more for a fully-refundable
somewhere that may as well be. If you don't want toreservation, do it. This way if things go awry quickly (or
be tempted by someone on another coast who isheck, what if the other person flakes out on you
giving you warm fuzzies, join a bigger dating site andcompletely at the last minute) you are hassled less as
keep your searches close in proximity.a result.
Now, if you live in a very remote area with a veryWe've all but established that if there are plane tickets
small dating pool to fish in, this kind of long-distanceinvolved for a first meeting, you are almost 100% doing
interaction made possible by the magic of the Internetthis because you are expecting something SPECIAL
may flat-out be the best thing that could ever happento happen. People are not flying cross-country for
to you.casual flings, and even if they are, what I am about to
I however, like the vast majority of us in this country,say still will probably hold true.
am fortunate enough to live in a major metro area. MyOK, so where does the rubber meet the road? Right
thought process has gravitated towards the notionhere: ONLY TWO THINGS CAN HAPPEN when
that if I live in a city of over a million people and can'tpeople meet each other like this:
find someone to hang out with here, I need to look in1) "I'm Frustrated!" v1.0 You learned (and typically very
the mirror and consider the problem might be my own.quickly) that there was no chemistry in real life. Or
Read that last line again. Does it speak to you?worse, the other one did. You feel angry and/or
On the other hand, there is the whole concept of thedeceived, disappointed, empty, hurt, ripped-off. A lot of
perfect soul mate. I am on the fence about this onetime, emotion and $$$ were wrapped up in this, and it
(see future article), but there is no doubt that thedidn't go well. I've even heard the tale of someone
possibility exists that your absolute best choice in agetting off the plane, meeting the person, and
long-term mate might not live in your city. I will notimmediately going right back to the check-in counter to
discount that.change the ticket to the next flight out. That's sure to
OK, so if you are going to do this sort of thing, what iscause an empty feeling. And what's more, now what
there to know?are you going to do all weekend?
First, do all the qualifying you can before the meeting.2) "I'm Frustrated!" v2.0 Unlike casual first dates close
Talk. A lot. Forget the pictures, spring a whole $20 onto home, these weekend trips are inevitably hyped like
a web cam and use it. Pictures do not capturemad by both participants. So what if It lives up to it? It's
mannerisms, etc. like the cam does.everything you dreamed it would be. Um...Now what?
Next, if you are in a remote area and the one you areYou part ways after Some Enchanted Weekend and
talking to is in, say, Los Freaking Angeles you have gotyou are still 2000 miles away from each other--except
to ask this person what is driving him/her to looknow you are obsessed! How often are you
outside a metro area of 12 million people. Do it. Andreasonably going to get to see each other? And how
don't accept some Pollyanna answer (e.g. "You arewill you develop this relationship? Who is eventually,
special", "I've been wanting to move to Egypt, NDand inevitably, going to move? And when the move
anyway", etc.). Refer to my previous article titled "Signshappens, how do you know that things will still be
Your Date May Be Married" for a refresher course aswonderful when you start spending more casual
to other reasons why these conversations areblocks of time together?
important. Use judgment here. An example of anDon't kid yourself. Ending the weekend with a
acceptable answer may come in the form of "I'm asentiment of, "That was so nice. It was fun to get
native Texan here in NYC, and I really want to settleaway and have some fun, and now I've made a nice
down with someone I can relate to better." Take thefriend I can reminisce about from time to time and
blinders off and listen during this conversation.keep talking to as before" is a fairy tale. There is zero
Next, figure out who is going to do the "heavy lifting"chance either person will leave the weekend feeling
as far as travel goes. As chivalrous a man as Ilike that, let alone both. If you disagree, I'm open to your
consider myself to be, this one should not becounterpoint, but I do believe this is truth.
automatically shouldered by the guy. Let's use theBlind optimism translates to being straight-up naive
potential situation in the previous paragraph as anwhen it comes to this stuff. Always keep that in mind.
example. If Boy lives in Los Angeles, and Girl lives inIf you have good stories, hook a brother up and I'll print
Egypt, ND common sense says that the two of yousome of them in the next "Letters" segment.
would have a much better chance of having a great