| If you are involved with online dating at all, you have | | | | weekend together if Girl flies to Boy. As far as the |
| likely been confronted with the possibility of meeting | | | | costs of all this, consider who has more resources. If |
| someone far away. There's something very romantic | | | | Girl travels on business and has 500K frequent flier |
| about this notion, almost (or, um, exactly) reminiscent of | | | | miles she'll never get around to using (unless, ironically, |
| Sleepless In Seattle. I mean how killer is it to go half | | | | she meets the right guy to travel with), then there is no |
| way around the world for the right woman? | | | | sense in having the guy buy a ticket. You get the idea. I |
| Granted. And if it works out, it's amazing. But lets talk | | | | personally believe that when both people have an |
| for a while about all this. From this conversation I trust | | | | investment in a weekend like this, both are more |
| you will be able to go into such potential situations | | | | committed to its success. |
| armed with more wisdom than ever before. | | | | Next, make all the logistical arrangements for the visit, |
| Before all else, let's discuss how two people get in this | | | | and communicate clearly about it. The one who is |
| situation to begin with. It's no secret that some dating | | | | flying in should reserve a hotel. This takes a lot of |
| sites have built their software so as to put as many | | | | pressure off the situation, which believe me will be a |
| people in touch with each other as possible. If a site is | | | | plus. If you two decide to cancel the hotel, that's your |
| one of the minor players, which translates to fewer | | | | own business, but having the option there was good |
| subscribers, you are likely to be encouraged to | | | | planning nonetheless. |
| communicate with more people from other states (or | | | | Read the sentence that follows this one twice: If you |
| countries) than you would at a or Yahoo Personals. IM | | | | fly out to meet someone you have never met or |
| "pen pals" come of this, and this is cool, but sooner or | | | | barely know, absolutely positively make flight and hotel |
| later, you are likely to notice--and talk to--someone | | | | reservations that have great flexibility. If it costs a |
| who amazes you but is either in Alaska or | | | | reasonable amount more for a fully-refundable |
| somewhere that may as well be. If you don't want to | | | | reservation, do it. This way if things go awry quickly (or |
| be tempted by someone on another coast who is | | | | heck, what if the other person flakes out on you |
| giving you warm fuzzies, join a bigger dating site and | | | | completely at the last minute) you are hassled less as |
| keep your searches close in proximity. | | | | a result. |
| Now, if you live in a very remote area with a very | | | | We've all but established that if there are plane tickets |
| small dating pool to fish in, this kind of long-distance | | | | involved for a first meeting, you are almost 100% doing |
| interaction made possible by the magic of the Internet | | | | this because you are expecting something SPECIAL |
| may flat-out be the best thing that could ever happen | | | | to happen. People are not flying cross-country for |
| to you. | | | | casual flings, and even if they are, what I am about to |
| I however, like the vast majority of us in this country, | | | | say still will probably hold true. |
| am fortunate enough to live in a major metro area. My | | | | OK, so where does the rubber meet the road? Right |
| thought process has gravitated towards the notion | | | | here: ONLY TWO THINGS CAN HAPPEN when |
| that if I live in a city of over a million people and can't | | | | people meet each other like this: |
| find someone to hang out with here, I need to look in | | | | 1) "I'm Frustrated!" v1.0 You learned (and typically very |
| the mirror and consider the problem might be my own. | | | | quickly) that there was no chemistry in real life. Or |
| Read that last line again. Does it speak to you? | | | | worse, the other one did. You feel angry and/or |
| On the other hand, there is the whole concept of the | | | | deceived, disappointed, empty, hurt, ripped-off. A lot of |
| perfect soul mate. I am on the fence about this one | | | | time, emotion and $$$ were wrapped up in this, and it |
| (see future article), but there is no doubt that the | | | | didn't go well. I've even heard the tale of someone |
| possibility exists that your absolute best choice in a | | | | getting off the plane, meeting the person, and |
| long-term mate might not live in your city. I will not | | | | immediately going right back to the check-in counter to |
| discount that. | | | | change the ticket to the next flight out. That's sure to |
| OK, so if you are going to do this sort of thing, what is | | | | cause an empty feeling. And what's more, now what |
| there to know? | | | | are you going to do all weekend? |
| First, do all the qualifying you can before the meeting. | | | | 2) "I'm Frustrated!" v2.0 Unlike casual first dates close |
| Talk. A lot. Forget the pictures, spring a whole $20 on | | | | to home, these weekend trips are inevitably hyped like |
| a web cam and use it. Pictures do not capture | | | | mad by both participants. So what if It lives up to it? It's |
| mannerisms, etc. like the cam does. | | | | everything you dreamed it would be. Um...Now what? |
| Next, if you are in a remote area and the one you are | | | | You part ways after Some Enchanted Weekend and |
| talking to is in, say, Los Freaking Angeles you have got | | | | you are still 2000 miles away from each other--except |
| to ask this person what is driving him/her to look | | | | now you are obsessed! How often are you |
| outside a metro area of 12 million people. Do it. And | | | | reasonably going to get to see each other? And how |
| don't accept some Pollyanna answer (e.g. "You are | | | | will you develop this relationship? Who is eventually, |
| special", "I've been wanting to move to Egypt, ND | | | | and inevitably, going to move? And when the move |
| anyway", etc.). Refer to my previous article titled "Signs | | | | happens, how do you know that things will still be |
| Your Date May Be Married" for a refresher course as | | | | wonderful when you start spending more casual |
| to other reasons why these conversations are | | | | blocks of time together? |
| important. Use judgment here. An example of an | | | | Don't kid yourself. Ending the weekend with a |
| acceptable answer may come in the form of "I'm a | | | | sentiment of, "That was so nice. It was fun to get |
| native Texan here in NYC, and I really want to settle | | | | away and have some fun, and now I've made a nice |
| down with someone I can relate to better." Take the | | | | friend I can reminisce about from time to time and |
| blinders off and listen during this conversation. | | | | keep talking to as before" is a fairy tale. There is zero |
| Next, figure out who is going to do the "heavy lifting" | | | | chance either person will leave the weekend feeling |
| as far as travel goes. As chivalrous a man as I | | | | like that, let alone both. If you disagree, I'm open to your |
| consider myself to be, this one should not be | | | | counterpoint, but I do believe this is truth. |
| automatically shouldered by the guy. Let's use the | | | | Blind optimism translates to being straight-up naive |
| potential situation in the previous paragraph as an | | | | when it comes to this stuff. Always keep that in mind. |
| example. If Boy lives in Los Angeles, and Girl lives in | | | | If you have good stories, hook a brother up and I'll print |
| Egypt, ND common sense says that the two of you | | | | some of them in the next "Letters" segment. |
| would have a much better chance of having a great | | | | |